Autumn

"Am I crushing you?" It's my signature question. It never makes sense. I can smell that it's colder now. I'd need a jacket, if I weren't numb from alcohol. I don't feel ready for fall, even though it's my favorite season. It always makes me heavy. I was just getting in the mood to fall in love, but now the feeling's tinted auburn.

That smell reminds me of school. Sinking down into studies, bundling into your mind. I don't feel ready for my mind. I liked ignoring it for the summer -- mindless bounty and restless nights. I don't want to go into introspection, because I'm afraid of what I might discover. No, I'm afraid of what I won't discover. I've thought so much, I've lost track of where I started. What is all this thinking for, if it doesn't relate to action? My head feels infinite, and I'm always getting lost in it, forgetting why I was thinking in the first place.

"No." He's not sure what to think of my question; it seems out of place to him. It is. But I can't find my thoughts right now. All I know is that I like the closeness. I wish I could have the closeness without the complication, and, right now, I can. So I exhale my heavy thoughts and see if I can see him in the sky.

"You guys ready to go?" I'm shocked by the sudden presence of another person. Time to move. My limbs push through the air like deep water -- I wish I could go for a swim. Close my eyes, empty my lungs, and sink to the bottom. Let go of my muscles, be surrounded, submit. Whoops, better concentrate. He'll think I bumped into him on purpose. Maybe I did. But I feel the intimacy slipping away with my consciousness. I want to hold on a little longer. It wasn't enough. Maybe I do want a little complication. Simplicity is overrated.